1.Don't offend the bride
1.b. When you do, make it up to her by buying something ridiculously expensive (or super creative, to seem ridiculously expensive) for her wedding.
(After seeing how expensive cake toppers are, I made this of Kayli & Peter.
Trust me, painting something that tiny is hard! And getting tissue paper to
work when making tiny flowers, a bouquet and the ruffly skirt... impossible!)
2.Buy a zillion silk flowers and ribbon in the colors of the reception.
2.b.When the bride changes her mind, buy a zillion more flowers and more ribbon.
3.Try to make the ugly dress you ordered to wear as mother-of-the-bride work, even though it’s PURPLE and not a pretty shade of red (raspberry), has tacky rhinestones instead of beading and it doesn’t fall loosely like the dress online. (Save for fall when someone might buy it online for Homecoming Dance season.)
3.b. Sew a dress using a cute pattern. (When it turns out to look very homemade and not fancy enough for a special occasion, hang in closet to use for summer dress.)
3.c.In desperation find one at JC Penney with slit sleeves. Order online so it’s in your size. Sew seams together and attach to the bottom of sleeves to make modest.
3.d.Purchase tattoo cover up since the back of the dress has a V-neck and your tattoo clashes with the color of the dress
(One to show my third dress, with sleeves fixed to be mode st. Actually showing off my darling grandson - Gavin enjoying a cupcake with his Grammy!)
4. Watch youtube videos to learn how to make fondant and all that other crap that you swore you’d never do – anything to please your little “princess!”
5. Find exactly the right frosting tip.
5.b. When the frosting tip is too difficult and takes too much frosting, talk the bride into spreading the frosting by blackmailing her that you will make pretty fondant flowers for the tops of the cupcakes.
6. When she changes her mind about using limes in the centerpieces… feel frustrated. Wait. Buy limes, put them in vases with some of her flowers to show her how much she really wants them!
7. Make bouquets, including an extra one to throw. Also, one for the miniature maid of honor.
7.b. Make mother’s corsages, father’s, grooms and best man’s boutonnieres.
7.c.Make several bouquets from the remaining flowers to decorate the reception. And DO use all the flowers that are in the wrong colors, because together they look SO BEAUTIFUL!
8. Try not to be sick when all you want to do is lie in bed.
8.b. Give up and order receptions items on the internet.
8.c. Worry about how you’ll be at the wedding in your condition, even if you have to resort to buying a wheelchair and a cane.
8.d. When you KNOW you’ll never survive the entire wedding in one day (but your daughter is stubborn and insists) get creative. Offer the bride and groom a very nice, romantic, theme suite for their wedding night – they’re choice! Even when they pick one that is twice what you planned on paying. Check out Romeo's Retreat.
9. When the company who is making the bridal gown emails you (after taking a month and a half to make the gown) that the shoulder measurement is an inch and a half too small so they have to start over, breath. Then email them back saying, “HURRY FAST!” And hope they get it sewn and shipped as fast as they did for me. We had time to have it pressed, which took the cleaners a week.
10.b.Somehow ignore the pig mess in your house when wedding guests come to your very small, wedding-stacked house, along with the dirty bathroom, to help frost the cupcakes.
(This is my sweet daughter, Laci who was a WHIZ at cupcakes!)
Okay, let’s get REAL. TEN??? Seriously?
11.Try not to show your witchy side every time the groom is over, which is every day.
11.b.Try to genuinely accept the apologies he makes when the bride doesn’t appreciate the job you are doing.
11.c. When the groom tells your daughter on the Sunday before the wedding that he told his parents t “they,” meaning your daughter and him will take care of the wedding luncheon – DON’T FREAK OUT! Sure, you thought his family had it handled. Kindly tell you daughter to go ahead and order a platter and some rolls from Costco. Accept donations of paper plates, etc from your very kind sister. Try not to think about it.
12. Even though you’ve practiced the cake, butter cream icing and fondant many times, when the REAL cake has every possible unfortunate thing happen, don’t panic. Yes, you may be heard saying, “I will NOT be there when she eats that wedding cake!” And you may totally mean it! (Notice my "concerned" look while they cut the cake.) And honestly, when you open the box holding the fondant covered layers to find that a piece of fondant STUCK to the lid of the box… remember your own wedding day and all the disasters! Try everything you can think of… then fill in the hole with white butter cream icing (that you
have handy to assemble the cake and attach
the flowers) to fill in the hole and hope no
one actually looks at the cake.
13. When you’ve made it past the wedding and are still alive at the luncheon, feel the joy! At least until you discover your ankles are as thick as an elephants and you can’t walk, move, or feel your feet. Kindly ask your other very helpful and loving daughter if she can quickly get you home! Prop those ankles higher than your heart with ICE for the remainder of the day and HOPE you’ll make it to the reception.
14. Even though you’re at the wedding reception with dead feet sitting in a wheel chair, smile and enjoy the abundance of guests who keep surprising you when they show up! Try not to cry when you’re daughter dances with her daddy to his favorite singer – Bryan Adams: Everything I Do. Great choice Kayli. You actually got that Daddy of yours to dance AND cry too!
15. Live for the day when all wedding preparations, events, decorating then taking down decorations when the reception is over. Relax. Breath. Think about being alone with your honey, eating less, having smaller power/gas bills and enjoying the freedom to see a movie and buy a stake/lobster dinner.
A NOTE: I am leaving out MANY things. When I look over the log I kept of money spent on the wedding, I remember the stress and horrors of preparing... and getting through bridezilla moments. This engagement seemed like FOREVER, even though it was actually more like 4 months. Okay, this was not just a wedding. My daughter was going through a rough semester of school, both she and her fiancé looked for new jobs then changed occupations, there was an entire family involved - not just a bride and groom (my 2 grandkids were getting a Daddy), and they moved to another city…
(Table displaying "Our Story: Peter & Kayli")
My WHOLE family! All kids and grandkids =)